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hi Neil
thanks for the email..im going to go through some of it now
First, I didn’t abuse Carol. There was never any physical contact between the two of us
For your information uttering threats and name calling are abuse. People can be charged
under the law for doing so
And the time I told you about when on a Friday afternoon in November 2006 I had asked my mom
just one little question about the Christmas village and she had to pick a fight about it. I got
mad and hit her, I then had to phone Carol to come over. I didn’t think my mom would tell Carol
after she got here that I hit her (my mom) earlier that day and this was the first time
Carol knew about that I hit someone
Of course you know its not ok to hit anyone .Your Mom was right in telling Carol about you
hitting her. Its a safety issue. Its against the law to hit anyone. Its not ok to hide the fact
that you hit her . You have to be accountable.Carol would have to be aware that you can be
physically abusive otherwise your mom could be in trouble with the law if you got mad at Carol
and hit her. Your mom could have phoned the police.
I felt uncomfortable after that when she said that “we're not going to phone them about
something like this” because the way she said it to me sounded like she was saying it to a
little kid. This is when I said out loud quote, “I’m worried about how I’ll treat my parents
tomorrow.” She then asked me exactly what I meant when I said that I’m worried about how I would
treat them, and then I needed time to think before opening my mouth so I just stood there not
saying anything which you know I tend to do when I get asked a question and can’t think of how
to answer. Before I could say anything, she asked me if I meant that I would hit my mom. I then
said to her “yah” and this was when she lashed out at me by saying “if you hit you’re mom I’m
not coming back here.” Now if Carol didn’t know that I had a history of hitting, she wouldn’t
have lashed out at me.
Firstly it was wrong of Carol to say she wouldnt come back if you hit your mom. It was her way of trying to get you to not do so. Not a good idea.Also if Carol didnt know you had a history of hitting and you said you didnt know how you were going to treat your parents tomorrow she coul.d have easily said be nice to them or i wont come back. i think that is how Carol would deal with this problem. It really doesnt matter because by law your caregiver has to know if you can be physically abusive when angry.
I see it as Carols mistake for the way she reacted. You always blame your parents..is it a crime for them to want to spend 2 nights alone together.No. They came back Neil .What if they decided to just stay and come back the next day. you would have been with the authorities. They care a lot to come back .
I know you want to blame your parents and explain to everyone its their fault but its not. Its Carols fault for the way she dealt with it and how you reacted . Yes I meant the Ministry would not let her work with you.
Do you think the way you reacted was ok because your parents tried to have a 2 day holiday. Carol should have known to let you use the phone anytime .Thats common sense.
Thanks for all the details Neil..Its really helpful to see your side of things. Even if we cant agree its good to have opinions about it all. I stand by my previous email and know that if you dont communicate with Carol nothing will change.All the fantasy about running into people and explaing its not your fault wont change anything. All the blaming your parents wont change it either.Maybe one day youll realise that Carols mistake and your reaction was what ended the relationship. Maybe one day youll contact her and tell her your thoughts about it. i dont know Carol so i dont know how shed react.
Sorry about the lack of question marks...i dont know how to access them on this mac ..it comes up as É
wierd eh É É
I want you to know i think your a fantastic person . Ive learned a lot from you . I thank you for trusting me to talk about this difficult subject...cheers...john
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