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John,
you wrote:
> Hope your doing well .I was just thinking how difficult it can be
when friendships end or sort
> of just phase out...
I know you’re trying to help me but it’s really hard to change my way of thinking.
> ...I was just thinking how difficult it can be when friendships end or sort of just phase
out...I realize your
> going through some difficult changes in your life...
Yah, you definitely got those things right about me.
bubzulu> ...Two years ago my best friend and I ended our friendship . Its rather difficult to
explain
> but it was over a disagreement and some things that were said...
Carol’s and my relationship didn’t just end over a “disagreement” or over anything that was
said, could you believe the way she handled that situation last August whereas you quote “she
wasn’t being responsible” after I said this in the message that I sent you on Wednesday
Feb.13,2008:
> -One evening last August two weeks before the altercation between Carol and me, I had got a
little upset
> about something and phoned Carol. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for two nights after this
little upset happening
> or if I wanted my parents to go away at all now, so I then asked Carol on the phone what she
thought and
> she said in a calm tone
of voicev that she
still wanted to come spend those two nights with me. Do you
> think it should have been obvious to her to let me phone if she knew I wasn’t sure about two
nights when I
> called her two weeks before?
bubzulu> ...Neither of us has tried to contact each other since .
Maybe at some point we may resolve
> our differences but until then I have to
let go of what once was...
So you might try to contact him sometime even though you yourself said yesterday in
person that you didn’t think it was a good idea for me to try to contact Carol? You thought that
the reason why Carol hadn’t tried to get in touch with us once since the altercation last
August was probably because either she’s afraid of me or she just moved on.
bubzulu> ...I know your probably thinking our friendship wasn't as close as you and
Carol...
You mean the friendship between you and your best friend that ended two years ago? And you
are right, that is exactly what I am thinking.
bubzulu> ...but we were like family too ..We knew each other for 30 years and were like
brothers...
What Carol and I had was more than you and your best friend being just
brothers, whenever Carol told me something about one of her siblings or in-laws when we visited
she would always refer to them as “auntie so-and-so” or “uncle so-and-so” and same with her
nieces or nephews whereas when she and I visited she’d refer to them as “cousin so-and-so.” For
example, if Carol was telling me something about her ex-husband’s sister, Robin, when Carol and
me visited most of the time Carol would refer to her as ”auntie Robin” instead of just “Robin.”
And I can’t believe that this same lady (Carol) won’t accept me into her family. Even
before the altercation last August there were also times when I had thoughts about wanting to l
ive with Carol, and even then she told me that she wants her own life once she is able to retire
from her school job.
And Carol’s and my relationship wasn’t just about things that she borrowed:
Friday Feb.8,2008:
> ...she borrowed our pressure washer one summer, she also borrowed our rug cleaner (our
shampooer)
> another time, she even borrowed my camera tripod for Krista’s wedding last summer,
Carol said my
> mom was in her (Carol’s) dream once, we invited Carol to our birthday
dinners, my dad gave
> her a fish one summer when we got a big order of sockeye salmon, and
when my cousin,
> David, passed away we bought Carol a $50
HBC (Hudson's Bay Company) gift card as thanks for
> all the extra help she was for us at that time. She even took time
off school then to stay with me so
> that both of my parents could attend David’s funeral...I don’t think
a lot of people though would
> call in sick for things like that even if they got paid
to...
• It’s just not right that Carol’s name is on this page
(list of staff)
of her school’s website during those nine months that I didn’t have any contact with her. And I
don’t want anyone to suggest that “her name be taken off that site” because that won’t solve it.
The only way to solve this would be if Carol’s and my relationship could be healed and also if
we at least start to see each other again on a regular basis after our relationship has been
healed instead of just once or twice. Now is this any way for me to be punished just for wanting
my parents to come home a day early?
I can’t believe that I can still see Carol’s name on that website while I’m no longer seeing
her. I can’t believe that this is the same lady who I said borrowed things from us, did a lot of
things (things that only other family members would do in most of these type of
situations) to help us after David passed away, etc. I also can’t believe that this is the same
lady who said this to me as soon as she saw me for the first time once she had found out that I
was constipated on the day before, quote “Oh Neil, are you not feeling well.” And also keep in
mind what I had previously wrote to you about the fact that I won’t be happy if I find out that
Carol is now working with a new family (in addition to still working with the other two
families that she worked with when she was working with me) after she stopped working with
me
• It’s just not right that Carol still keeps in touch with her nephew, Robin’s son Rory
Schmidt who went to High School with me, even though he’s really on her ex-husband’s side of the
family. And even now which is long after she and her husband split up, he still calls her
quote “auntie Carol.” I guess because of the fact that he’s still her nephew of course she could
still keep in contact with him, but he’s not the only student who I went to High School with
that Carol still keeps in touch with. There’s a girl named Kristy Mitchinson who was in BASES
and she also hung around with Mac, Nathan, and myself when we were all going to High School and
she was always invited to Carol’s daughters’ birthday parties when her daughters were growing
up. Kristy’s the same age as Carol’s younger daughter, Sarah, and the two of them (Kristy
and Sarah) went to elementary school together. Also, Kristy’s parents supported Carol when her
ex-husband was having his problems. Now in present time, Sarah still runs into Kristy out in
public and whenever Sarah sees her she gives her mom, Carol, a “status report.” See how I live
in such a “small world” in which Carol knows a lot of the same people who I knew, and also don’t
forget about my friend Kris. It was in the message that I sent you on Wednesday Apr.2,2008
when I first told you that Carol was also his TA in elementary school and she didn’t see him for
the same ten years that she didn’t see me, the first time she saw him after those ten
years was the first time when I took her to see Kris after she started to do my respite. And now
since Carol’s and my relationship ended, she doesn’t get to see Kris anymore either. She hasn’t
talked to or saw him once since before the altercation last August.
Here is another excerpt from the message
that I sent you on Wednesday Feb.13,2008:
> Carol had gave me about ten or twelve cupcakes leftover from Krista’s wedding which took
place last August
> a week before the altercation. I still had three of those cupcakes left after the altercation
and I didn’t eat
> them, I would have been a hypocrite to have done so after that altercation because Carol was
the one who
> gave those to me...
And I said to my mom a few days after Carol’s and my relationship ended that “if Carol’s
gunna be the way she is after our relationship ending, then I should make her give me back that
Carrie Underwood CD that I gave her for her birthday one year and since I already used the Best
Buy gift card that she got for me I’d pay her in cash the amount that was on the card.” My mom
then answered by telling me that “we don’t take back those things because we gave them as
gifts.” I now understand what mom meant.
bubzulu> ...I realise your going through some difficult changes in your life...You certainly
have a lot of
> people who care about you and want the best for you...
When you say that I have a lot of people who care about me and want the best for me, I assume
that you are referring to my parents, you yourself, and the FVMH Support Team. I’m not happy
that I have to live with the thought about moving out and then possibly go through the actual
phase without ANY support from Carol. Again I said in the message that I sent you on Wednesday
May 14,2008 that once I do move out my mom, my
dad, and you will
come around lots to help me.
Now let’s go over these few things from our discussion yesterday:
• When I said that “I don’t see what the big deal is,” I meant that “I don’t see
why somebody (anybody) who Carol knows can’t stay with me whenever she has to go out” if
it just so happens that Carol does let me move in with her one day.
• It wasn’t just because of the sunscreen why I got angry at my parents when Carol’s and my
relationship ended, I detailed three reasons in the message I sent you on Wednesday
Feb.13,2008:
> -My dad said himself that we had a miscommunication and that he and my mom should have
made it
> clear to Carol before they left that I’d be allowed to phone them any time I want to. Even
my
> psychiatrist (the one on Scott Road) thought that Carol should’ve let me phone, she did
agree with the
> fact about Carol thinking that my parents would be worried as soon as their phone rings incase
it was
> me calling to let them know something happened at home but thought however that the right
thing for
> a worker would be to let me have that phone call the first time when I’m away from my parents
or
> caretakers for a period of two nights or longer. She said that these are the kind of thing
that should be
> done in stages.
> -My parents did tell me after they got home that there was no more lotion. My mom went out the
day
> before Carol came overnight last August to buy me lotion for while they were gone and I told
her to
> buy me twice the amount than the amount she normally buys me so that I would have enough to
last
> me two days and I’m pretty sure that I remember making it clear to her to take me seriously
when I
> said for her to buy two bottles, but she didn’t take me seriously and she didn’t buy me much
more
> than the amount she normally buys me. If she did take me seriously, I wouldn’t have had to
phone my
> parents and Carol wouldn’t have lashed out at me. Now you see why I feel confident that
hopefully no
> more problems like this would occur between Carol and me if I were to live with her and why I
say that
> it was their mistake she made me angry. If I don’t want to have anymore contact with my
parents once
> I’m living with her and if I ever did run into another type of situation like this, I wouldn’t
have them to
> phone and ask where something is like my lotion for example because they wouldn’t live where
Carol
> and me are living so therefore I
> -A little more than a year ago back in November 2006, I had asked my mom just one little
question
> about the Christmas village one Friday afternoon and she had to pick a fight about it. I got
mad and hit
> her, I then had to phone Carol to come over. Again Carol said that I could phone her
anytime I got angry
> (and as long as she was still my worker at the time) and she’d come take me out. My anger
wouldn’t
> escalate any higher as soon as I was able to phone Carol and I would calm down as soon as she
came,
> it was on this day last November now when Carol was here later that day after I got angry when
my mom
> told Carol that I hit her. This was the first time when Carol found out that I have a history
of hitting, if my
> mom didn’t tell her that I hit her earlier that day Carol might not have asked me if I meant
“I would hit my
> mom” after I said that I’m worried about how I’d treat my parents the next day and therefore
wouldn’t have
> lashed out at me. This time last August was the only time when Carol had not helped me to calm
down
> because she was the one who had made me angry and all those times when she did help me to
calm
> down were all times when my parents had made me angry.
In addition to the three reasons from the February 13th message, here is an
excerpt from the message that I sent you on
Sunday Feb.24,2008:
> ...It sounds to me like my parents didn’t like the idea of myself and Carol spending time
together, like
> they couldn’t accept the fact that I liked her, and like they didn’t like the idea of her
coming here from
> Day One and also I think they would have tried to end our relationship a lot sooner if they
had their
> way instead of letting it go on for as long period of time as two and a half years...And ever
since that
> altercation they seem to have fun knowing that they can torture me and get away with saying
these
> things from the following excerpt because they now know that Carol’s not coming back:
>
> > ...I don’t like it every time when my mom had said since August “Carol’s not coming back” or
when
> my dad said “she’s
> > gone” and I don’t want them to get away with saying that, I don’t think my parents should
get to
> win at everything...
bubzulu> ...Well enough of the heavy stuff, I had a great time today and especially liked the
new walk.I'm really
> getting to know your neighborhood. Can you believe we still haven't seen a cat on our walks ?.
I'm getting
bubzulu> good at jumping over blue boxes and ducking those hat stealing trees...
Yah, those things sound great, John. I did enjoy myself too yesterday.
-Neil
P.S. After reading over this message, I know it
sounds heavy but I’m just worried about the future. I’m worried about moving and that I can’t
take care of myself.
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