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Why I cancelled Monday

Date Sent:

Tuesday Feb.10,2009



I didnít sleep good on the night before yesterday. I was up all night going to the bathroom, I couldnít stop going pee and I was also having messy toots. I got the inside on two pairs of pajama bottoms dirty that night because of the messy toots that I had so my mom had to wash both pairs for me on the next day, that wouldíve been yesterday. I had some of the maynards brand Fruit Mania for my afternoon snack on the day before (on Sunday) and I havenít been paying attention but my mom didnít tell me until yesterday that she thinks she notices my stomach bothering me more on the days when I have Fruit Mania. We have lots of my old notebooks in the kitchen and my mom also said yesterday that she will take one of them to start keeping track of what I eat to see if a certain ingredient is upsetting my stomach.

Is there not some kind of pill that I could take only on nights if I donít fall asleep before a certain time? I donít like laying awake at night for long periods of time feeling bored and I had enough days on which I confine myself to the couch for the afternoon after I didnít sleep good on the night before.

My mom told me that you said to her yesterday on the phone about youíre suppose to be on some TV show tomorrow. She wasnít with it and she didnít ask you which show youíre going to be on because she said that she was so tired.

And did you get the E-mail that I sent you two days ago (on Sunday) titled ďAfter our meeting?Ē Here it is incase you didnít get it:


I didnít write to you yet details about the bad day that I had last Tuesday. My mom picked up a Save-On-Foods brand chicken strip dinner for me when she was out shopping last Monday (on the 2nd) and she told me that it would expire in just a few days. I then wasnít sure whether to have the chicken strips at supper the next day (on Tuesday) or a few days after that, so I asked my mom what she thought. She said quote ďweíre having it tomorrow,Ē so a few minutes later I suggested to her that we could get some raspberries to have for dessert after supper. Now the first thing that bugged me was after I suggested to my mom about getting the berries to have for dessert, she then asked me if Iím having the chicken on the same night. She knew what the answer was, but when I tried to get her to explain herself she said that she didnít know we made a final decision because I didnít agree after she said ďweíre having it tomorrow.Ē I donít know how she could not know that we havenít made a final decision if she knows that Iím the one who has trouble with decision making. And when I asked my mom why she was treating this situation differently than any other time when I have trouble with decision making where she always made the final decision for me, she said that this situation wasnít different from any of the other ones. I eventually decided to let it go and move on, but the next day (on Tuesday) when I got up I reminded my mom what I wanted to have for supper that day. When I reminded my mom that I wanted to have the chicken, she asked me if I meant the stuff that she got on the day before or if I meant the rest of the Pintyís brand chicken chips. I told you in the E-mail I sent you on Sunday Jan.18,2009 that I had the first half of the Pintyís chicken chips for supper on the night before. Anyway, once again I think that my mom knew what the answer was because it shouldíve been obvious that I was talking about the Save-On-Foods brand ones if she bought them on the day before and if she knew that I knew it was clear to me after she told me on the day before that it would expire within the next few days. My mom wouldíve had to dig the Pintyís ones out of the freezer if I wanted those ones by the way. I eventually let it go again, but my mom continued to bug me for the rest of the day with ďobvious littleĒ things. And I donít know why I ate those Save-On-Foods brand chicken strips, but now I feel like Iím a hypocrite after I ate them because my mom made a big deal out of it.

I remember you said at the meeting that you think Iím letting those little things bother me because my mom and I are around each other too much and she doesnít get enough of a break from me. I never said no to the extra hours. And if my mom didnít buy the chicken last Monday, I know that none of the things that happened last Tuesday wouldíve happened.

I had my dad record my show, Privileged, last Tuesday evening and I watched it with my mom a few days later because you know that Iíd rather wait and watch my shows when Iím happy. And I felt so upset that I wanted my appointment two days later to be changed, but you know that my mom is never flexible when I want to change something. I also wanted the meeting to be changed because my back was bothering me again. I went to go to the bathroom at one point in the evening last Wednesday (the day before the meeting) and my back stiffened up all of a sudden as soon as I leaned forward to go pee. That time my back was in so much more pain than it ever had been before.

I remember last Thursday before we went into the meeting, you asked me if I slept okay on the night before. My mom then said to you for some reason that I did sleep okay, but my back was still sore when I woke up in the middle of the night so my mom had to go downstairs at 4AM and put the heating pad in the microwave for me. I then placed it behind my back and laid on it for the next hour. On the drive home later that same day (on Thursday), you asked me if I could see the fish in the painting just before we went under Highway 99. I told you that I could see the painting but I could not make out that the picture was of fish, I didnít want to bend my neck forward to have a better look at the picture because my back was still sore at the time. I also didnít want to turn my head to look backward when my mom pointed to me on our way to the meeting a car that was behind us had wipers on its headlights. And my back was so sore that I had my mom give me a Tylenol after you left that day.

When you said at the meeting about my mom and dad going away overnight being a ďfamily thing,Ē my mom assumes that what you meant was most families do things like that and we canít continue to keep everything the same. And you know that I wouldíve felt comfortable about letting them go away overnight if my relationship with Carol didnít get messed up. I told you before that I donít want anyone who isnít Carol to stay with me overnight.

My dad said at the meeting about I havenít gone away anywhere for a long time with he and my mom and that for the last few years heís been taking off a few days ďhere and there.Ē You know that I lost my confidence in going away overnight to hotels after not feeling well on two hotel trips in a row, and both of those trips were to the exact same spot in Washington state.

And you said yourself about my dad would like to see me doing more activities like taking the bus. I would especially not like to do bus trips now that my back could start acting up at any time and the seats on a lot of the buses are not as comfortable.

I was thinking about taking my friend, Kris, with us to the China Kitchen in Langley in a few weeks for my momís birthday dinner, but Iím not so sure now whether or not I should still have anything to do with Kris or Mac seeing how Carol doesnít want anything to do with me.

And also on our drive home last Thursday, you told me that you agreed to take people who you used to work with to the pub after they said that they wanted to go out drinking at the bars. That was something that Carol wouldnít have ever wanted to do as a caretaker.


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