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John,
You heard my parents say yesterday that they brought home scratches for all three of us, a “DOLLAR SIGNS” is what they got me this time and I matched one of my numbers on the first game and won $2. I got two 2s and two 25s on the second game (the one where I have to match three identical dollar amounts to win that amount). They went to the Cascades casino first, that’s the one in Langley, and then on their way home they stopped at the Safeway in Peninsula Village and did their grocery shopping. They got me one container of Nalley ranch chip dip and a small tin of Trophy Whole Cashews. It’s a smaller tin than the one my aunt and uncle (Gordon and Sue) gave us for Christmas, my parents said that there’s enough in there for a couple snacks for me. And they’re exactly the same cashews except the only difference might be that the ones my aunt and uncle gave us might be a different brand. My mom might make some tapioca pudding this coming weekend, that’ll give me a change for dessert at supper for a few nights. I had my Purdys chocolate Santa (and that one was milk chocolate) for my snack this afternoon, for my snack last night I had some Cheese Nips Party Mix (the brand is Christie), and for supper last night I had the following:
-bacon and cabbage rice leftover from supper the night before (Wednesday).
-ham and pineapple leftover from supper on Tuesday (Feb.5,2008).
-and Save-On potato salad leftover from supper on Monday.
I guess yesterday afternoon did turn out to be a really good time for a walk. It seemed that
we saw a few more people out than the amount that were out the last couple times you and me went
for a walk, yesterday was probably one of the very few days at this time of the year that’s a
good day to get out for a walk. My mom thought that the walk was a good idea for yesterday
afternoon because I’ve been up going to the bathroom and haven’t gotten to sleep until 2AM the
last few nights before, she thought that was because I’ve been sitting around home most of the
time and you’re the only person I’ve been leaving the house with since before Christmas. If I
could live with Carol, I would hope to get out more afternoons for more walks with her. I didn’t
get to sleep until 2AM last night either. I guess the walk didn’t make a difference, but my mom
says that “exercise never hurts.” And that parked car on our front street was sitting there
again running just after 7:30AM this morning, this is the second Friday in a row. You asked me
when we went for our walk yesterday if I ever have allergies. Other than the time I told you
when my ear reacted to the sudden change to spring a few years ago and started ringing, my mom
says that I have no allergies. The day after my ear first started ringing that year, I had to go
and get it flushed because it was full of wax.
Now let’s talk in this E-mail about what could come up in conversation at the meeting itself
next Thursday. First off, it’s not the “West Coast Mental Health Support Team” that we’re going
to see in PoCo. The “West Coast” one is the team in Vancouver, the one we’re going to see is the
Fraser Valley (FVMH) team. You heard my mom yesterday say that I use to see a psychologist who
said that he notices I communicate better when I type than I do out loud (in person). He
works at Able Clinic up in Fleetwood. And don’t forget about the fact that I like to do big
books/binders, including the big binder of dog pictures and another big binder of cat pictures
that I’m putting together. I reminded you yesterday and I also told you once before that I use
to type twenty page long stories on the computer in size 24 font and then I would print them out
and make a book out of them. I haven’t written any stories for a few years though, I use to be a
good storywriter. And whenever I got stuck while playing a computer game (back when I use
to play them that is), I would go online and print out a walkthrough. Once the walkthrough has
been printed out, I would then put it in a duo-tang and have made my own hint book.
We had a phone call at lunch today from the same nurse who I told you came by earlier this
week to pick up the forms, she had gotten my records from my psychiatrist (the one on
Scott Road) and from the psychologist who I use to see at Able Clinic and she phoned because she
had a couple questions for my mom about some stuff in those records that talk about my aunt
and uncle who I use to see in PoCo (Ted and Marlene). The last time I saw them was the time
when we were visiting them over at their place on Christmas Eve 1999 and they said something t
hat upset me. I then got so mad that we had to leave abruptly. I never saw them again since. My
mom told the nurse on the phone today that she remembers them bossing me a little bit. And
speaking about whom, we got a Thank You card in the mail today from the two daughters of this
aunt and uncle (my two cousins) thanking us for the money we gave them at Christmas. The
younger daughter hadn’t spent her money yet and the older one used her’s to buy a couple books
about vampires from the Chapters bookstore.
After the first time I hit my mom during the altercation
that evening a few days after
Christmas my dad
started off with grabbing me and then holding me against the wall. That should have been enough
to keep me from hitting my mom because he was holding me so tight that I couldn’t get away or
move anywhere, he held me so tight that I couldn’t breathe for ten seconds and because of that I
almost went unconscious. This didn’t please himself enough though, he then knocked me to the
ground and he did that too fast for me. He could have done it way slower, I already said that I
couldn’t have gotten away and hit my mom before he threw me to the ground. I landed on my
stomach and then once I was on the ground he started stomping on my back when he already knew
that my back had been sore for the last couple of days before. And it didn’t end there, I then
told him to let me go because I had to go to the bathroom. He asked me “are you going to be
good” and then I said “yah,” so he let me go. I was only free for one second after he let me go
and then he grabbed me again (this time for no reason) once I stood back up and was off
the ground. As soon as he let me go this time, I was so mad at him for grabbing me a second time
for no reason that I knocked over the coat rack that’s in our downstairs hallway. I asked him a
couple times later why he grabbed me again. One of those times he said because I knocked over
the coat rack. I then told him that was after he grabbed me the second time and then he said “no
it wasn’t.” Another one of those times he said because I had hit my mom. I do admit to hitting
her that evening, but just not during that particular time in the altercation so I then told him
that I didn’t hit her while I was free for no more than just one second after he let me go and
before he grabbed me again the second time and then I admitted that I did hit her before he
grabbed me the first time and also after he let me go after grabbing me the second time. He then
said that I did hit her between the two times he grabbed me. I couldn’t have hit her while being
free for that one second because first she was standing on the other side of my dad [in
the opposite of the direction I started to head off in (towards the bathroom) immediately
after I stood up and just before he grabbed me again] and second I couldn’t do anything while
only being free for one second and all I had time for during that one second was to get up off
the floor. I hardly even had time to move away from that spot or to move anywhere else after I
stood up and just before he grabbed me again. Maybe I wouldn’t have hit my mom a bunch more
times after being let go the second time if he didn’t grab me a second time for no reason
(and maybe not if he had admitted the real order the events had occurred). My mom didn’t end up
with a bloody nose until after I hit that a bunch more times after being let go the second time,
so maybe she wouldn’t have got a bloody nose at all if he didn’t grab me that second time.
You asked me yesterday what should happen when my dad has to protect his wife. Let me tell
you that he doesn’t react violently every time these things happen, sometimes he’ll just ask me
what’s wrong and these are the times that I usually calm down a lot sooner before it escalates
into something really big. Maybe it wasn’t even me who gave my mom a bloody nose, maybe my dad
did it while I wasn’t looking. My fitness level is low and I’m not convinced when my mom tells
me that my strength will increase the more my anger builds. I think myself that with a low
fitness level I shouldn’t be able to give anyone a bloody nose no matter what my mood, this is
just my opinion though. I think I should live with Carol before something really bad does happen
to someone, I don’t feel safe living with my parents anymore. I know that Carol won’t get
carried away like my dad does when I get angry, I should start to be concerned about my own
health and I should no longer let it be at risk. You said before that you might have no choice
but to restrain someone if he\she gets too aggressively out of control, but you might not do it
as violently as my dad does with me. I know you were just giving an example when you said this
yesterday, but I would never do anything to make my friend, Kris, mad enough that he would get
too carried away and start punching me.
You read this in the long message:
> ...sometimes we’ll be good for as long as eight months before it happens again and I say
every time that because
> this has happened enough times I can’t trust that it won’t happen again...
I know you said yesterday that the “Fraser Valley Mental Health Support Team” is the best
the province has to offer in regards for helping families heal, but I still don’t feel 100% safe
continuing my relationship between myself and my parents. We had lots of professional help in
the past, it’s been this long now and we still haven’t got anywhere. Even if the relationship is
good for another eight months or maybe even as long as a couple years after we’re eventually
done with the FVMH, I still won’t be able to trust that it won’t happen again. And every time it
happens, I can never trust that it will be the last time. I’d know for sure that it would be a
lot less likely to happen if I were living with Carol because I know I would never hit
her (and she should be aware of that too, you even said yourself yesterday that you believe
in it) and I have never hit her before. I had said some bad things about and made threats about
Carol’s daughters in the past and I even said some bad things about you and Dianne on that evening a few days after Christmas , but I had never said one bad
thing about Carol. And I didn’t mean those things I said about you that evening, I want you to
know that you’re still my friend. I was just mad at the time when I said those things about you
and Di. Carol’s almost the only person I had never said a bad thing about in my life so far.
Again, if I live with Carol I would like to keep any fights we have small...I said this in the
long message:
> ...would like to keep any fights that we’d end up having to nothing more than the small
arguments/disagreements that
> would occur between people like my friend, Mac, and his mom for example...just two people
exchanging words...
I told you that I have a good feeling it shouldn’t happen again if I no longer have any
contact with my parents once I’m living with Carol because my parents’
mistake was the reason why what happened in August happened when she
stayed with me overnight. It was because of their mistake
that she’s too scared of me and no longer wants anything more to do with
me ever again. I know you said yesterday that it was my actions that led up to what happened in
the end even though what my parents might have caused led up to me taking those actions and that
I’m the one who’s in control as to whether or not I take those actions, I could go into more
detail about what happened that day in August and about why I say that what happened was
their mistake in another message. I don’t
think Carol even knows that was my parents’ mistake
.
I’m glad to hear that you want to do anything and everything you can to help heal the
relationship between myself and Carol even though my parents might not like the idea, but it
shouldn’t be up to them though because I’m 25 years old now and should be big enough to make my
own decisions now without having my parents tell me what to and what not to do. I don’t like it
every time when my mom had said since August “Carol’s not coming back” or when my dad said
“she’s gone” and I don’t want them to get away with saying that, I don’t think my parents should
get to win at everything. And again, you said yesterday that “relationship” might not be the
correct word to use for the connection between myself and Carol. Here’s what I said in my
previous message about my long relationship with Carol:
> ...She’s one of the very few people besides my parents who I’ve known for a long time in my
life so far.
And I did indeed have a long relationship with Carol, I first knew her when she was my
teacher's assistant for a few months in grade six (this is when I lived in and went to
elementary school in Whalley) and then we didn’t see each other for ten years before we met up
again and she did my respite for the next two and a half years. My dad thought that I’ve been
obsessed about Carol since what happened in August just like he remembers my obsession about
this one teacher's assistant who worked with me in High School, but I think that was a
completely different kind of connection between Carol and myself though than the kind of
connection that I had between myself and that TA. Even my mom knows herself “that TA wasn’t any
help to us” while I felt so close to Carol that for the last little bit before she stopped
working with me I had considered her as family. Carol even said herself at one time that she
considered us family and one time when she sent us a birthday or Christmas card she signed
inside it “love Carol,” again I had looked forward to knowing her for as long as she’d be around
but now that connection is broken due to my parents’ mistake. I have considered Carol as family (and still think of it this way)
because she borrowed our pressure washer one summer, she also borrowed our rug cleaner
(our shampooer) another time, she even borrowed my camera tripod for Krista’s wedding last
summer, Carol said my mom was in her (Carol’s) dream once, we invited Carol to our
birthday dinners, my dad gave her a fish one summer when we got a big order of sockeye salmon,
and when my cousin, David, passed away we bought Carol a $50 HBC (Hudson's Bay
Company) gift card as thanks for all the extra help she was for us at that time. She even
took time off school then to stay with me so that both of my parents could attend David’s
funeral, I know there aren’t a lot of people who are nice enough to agree to something like
calling in sick like Carol did. My dad said that she was only this nice to us and was only
giving all this extra help to us because he thinks that she doesn’t have a heart and was getting
paid to be nice, I don’t think a lot of people though would call in sick for things like that
even if they got paid to. And I don’t think I’m obsessed about Carol, I don’t think this
connection between her and myself is any different than the connection between my cousin,
Jenny (the one who has FAS), and the lady she lives with named Judy. Jenny is the same
cousin who wanted me to do the slideshow for her BTW. Jenny and Judy have also known each other
for quite a long time, ever since Jenny was only a few years old. Judy use to do Jenny’s respite
every weekend when Jenny was growing up, now Jenny lives with her and she helps Judy look after
the younger kids that Judy currently fosters. Jenny even calls Judy “mom,” this is because
Jenny never had a mom that she could go to.
Now I think you had a good idea when you suggested yesterday that we send Carol a letter and
ask her to go out with us for coffee. You could sit with us for the first bit and then you could
go sit at another table while Carol and I catch up. I don’t drink coffee and there isn’t a lot
at Starbucks that I like, so we’ll have to think of somewhere else that
either we could take her to or she could meet us at.
Carol doesn’t have E-mail and doesn’t know a lot about computers, so anything that we send to
her we’ll have to mail it. She said to me at one time a few years ago back when she was working
with me that maybe I could teach her how to play computer games. I could still do so if I live
with her sometime, and if this happens maybe she’ll become like my aunt (my dad’s sister,
Karen, who lives out in Mission) who use to always spend her time playing the PC games and the
console games. As for mailing, we won’t have to go to the post office if we’re just sending her
a letter and not something big. We could just walk a few houses down my street to the mailbox
and drop it in there. When we do so, you could show me then how to do my own mailing. Here’s the
part of the long message that you misunderstood and I had to say twice when you
were with me yesterday:
> ...I could even go to the post office with you to send this and you could show me how to do
my own mailing. I could
> even show you all the dollar stores in my area and we could look in the dollar stores to find
some Valentines wrap to
> wrap the chocolates in. You'll know my community of South Surrey in no
time if we go to the post office and if I show
> you all the dollar stores...
I think your response to what I had said in my previous message was also a good idea, if we
send her a letter don’t say in the letter that I want to live with her because this is the first
time I’d be in touch with her since what happened that ended our relationship:
> ...but if I do end up sending her a card and if I send her a letter with the card, then
could I tell her in the letter that I want
> to live with her even though I’m aware that the
probability for me living with her doesn’t look good...
I guess I shouldn’t tell her just yet that I want to live with her before our relationship is
healed, but if it weren’t for my parents’ mistake I
could just jump right in and tell her that I want to live with her. If I could live with her
before May 1st, you know now that I would like to treat her to the China kitchen for her
birthday dinner. I can’t see myself going to the China kitchen for my mom’s birthday dinner at
the beginning of next month, I don’t want to give my mom any birthday presents after
what
happened. If I ever
give her anything again, the only thing I might ever do for her would be to replace that "snow
globe" music box that I broke. If they have the same snow globe in the store next year at
Christmas and if they have at least two, then I might get two and give one to Carol for
Christmas.
Speaking about the snow globe, after I threw it and it smashed all over the floor my dad kept
yelling at me “don’t step on the glass.” I wasn’t even going near the broken glass, all of the
broken glass was to my left and I was going to my right to the bathrrom. He yelled that at me
every time I went to move, even when he could see me and saw that I wasn‘t anywhere near the
glass and then later he would yell that at me a few seconds after I start to move away from
there (not towards where the broken glass was, but going away from there in the opposite
direction).
I know that my parents have always bent over backwards for me, my mom would always bake stuff
for me whenever I wanted her to and lots of time my dad would take the day off work to take me
out fish shopping on exactly the day I wanted to go. They had bent over backwards for me in a
lot of other ways too. My dad had lots of change in his change drawer upstairs in his bedroom
that he emptied out into a big pile on the kitchen table yesterday afternoon, my mom
had a bunch of change in the change pouch on her
wallet so she then emptied it out into the pile and then they gave the whole pile to me for my
piggy bank. You read in previous messages that Carol has bent over backwards lots for her
daughters when they were growing up, and she would even bend over backwards for Pete a few times
too. The whole family bent over backwards for the little boy named Derek:
> ...I remember that either last year or the year before Carol was having a
birthday dinner for her older daughter, Krista, a little
> boy named Derek was invited...Now Krista had originally wanted Chinese food for her birthday
supper, but Derek is another
> one of those people who doesn’t like Chinese food and he wanted pizza. So it
got changed to pizza at the last minute only
> because Derek wanted pizza and Krista, the birthday girl, didn’t get her Chinese supper. What
I’m saying is that if I was
> ever invited to one of their dinners, I know this is one thing that I could agree on with all
of Carol’s family because l know that
> everybody there would have been okay with Chinese food.
Keep in mind that just because I say above that “if I was ever invited to one of their
dinners, I know this is one thing that I could agree on” doesn’t mean that I’d want to attend.
You know that I haven’t attended any of my own family’s dinners for a long time. There’s always
someone in Carol’s family who doesn’t want to attend the dinner every time they have one, I
remember that Carol herself never looked forward to having dinners with her ex-husband's side of
the family. And now she’ll have an excuse not to go if I could live with her.
That’s a long enough message for today. If you get back to me, I could send you a nicer
E-mail before Monday to let you know whether or not we go cake-shopping that day and to also let
you know what I like to eat when I go to Wendy's. Maybe not necessarily in another message
before the meeting next Thursday but maybe in a message before we send Carol a letter, I could
go into more detail about what happened last August. I’m sure you might prefer the next message
to be a nicer one about cake-shopping and whatever else, you’d probably deserve at least one
pleasant bedtime story to read this weekend. Did you checkout the “Space Quest” and the
"Wolfenstein" series yet? My dad sent me a funny E-mail today (from work) that I could
forward on to you sometime within the next few days. And If I continue to go to the FVMH and if
you continue to drive me there, we could go out for lunch after every one of my appointments
with them. Maybe I’ll feel like White Spot the next time, and there is a McDonald's on
152nd Street in the Guildford area of Surrey. You thought I had said in my previous message that
there’s a McDonald's and a Wendy's in Guildford, I said that there’s an
A&W and a Wendy's. The McDee’s is on the left side
of 152nd Street not too long before the A&W heading into Surrey after Coquitlam. It’s also been
a few years since the last time I ate at that McDee’s location, so I don’t remember whether or
not you have to get buzzed into the washrooms there either.
Let me end this message by telling you that further down in the scanning pile that we started
work on yesterday are a bunch of old birthday/Christmas cards with pictures of dogs on the front
of them. My mom cut the pictures off the front of the cards for me so that I could scan them for
my binder. Here are three of the images; the very first one we did of the cat laying on a bed,
the one of the dog laying on a bed, and “the one of
Taffy .” Tell Denét that we
captured Taffy and took her for a boat ride, tell her that’s what we did while you were with me
yesterday. You can get them at this location:
http://
Your ping pong ball on top of cat spring is still holding up on our computer desk, I took seven
pictures of it next to your paper boat last night. My mom said that we could sail your paper
boat in our pond outback, this would give the fish something to play with. I still haven’t yet
downloaded all the movies and still pictures that I took back at Christmas. And I think last
night was the first time my camera got turned on since Christmas, so it’s probably due for my
dad to plug it in and charge up the battery. I also think it’s time my dad cleaned the keyboard
on our downstairs desktop computer. Not the keys, just the keyboard part other than the keys
looks like it needs to be wiped. I have no problem with keys sticking while I type. My mom saw
the weather on today’s Noon News and they say that it’s suppose to be a windy rainy weekend.
-Neil
P.S. This is how your "shorter than bread" message
showed up on my screen, you said that you don’t remember the rest of your message changing to
“Arial” font:
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